Whenever I go to the toilet and ask people if I can see their poo, I notice something...
most people donot know how to wipe their keaster proporly.
here is my tips so u can manage your post-pooping routine effectively and cleanerly.
1. DAB
You see, when you first drop the tonnage into the toilet there is often collateral poopage, or shitty shrapnel if you will.
If you go straight into back and forth vigourous wiping you might just be spreading it around, so instead start with gentle dabbing.
Think of it like caressing a beautiful dark complexioned woman.
2. Anus Wiping is a mArathon, not a sprInt!
Take your time for heaven's sake. Make sure to get all the remnants and you will have a lesser chance of skid-marking up your white robe!
3. Consider the Military Technique
In the intergalactic army, sometimes they have to make due with little TP rations, so if you're ever stuck with just a sheet or two you can poke your finger threw the wipe, scoop it out of your crack, then pull it off your finger to wipe off the choclately load.
4. Lift your bag
Not only is holding your marble sack fun on many levels, if you keep it out of the way whilst cack-cleaning you will save yourself a scrote-load of messy.
5. Pre-emtive Swipe
I've found that if I take some un-soiled toilet water and wipe it on my bunghole area before evacuating my bowels, it makes for a much cleaner surface to begin with.
Give some of these a try and tell me your results... if you have the balls!
I'm Keith Dumbuck(s).
Sunday, 4 August 2013
Saturday, 29 June 2013
The Fundamentals of Clear Writing
Clear writing implies that someone is actually going to read what you have to write. They probably don't.
Writing clearly makes u seem smart, and I lick to seem smart.
Some dumb dumbs think that txt lingo makes them seem smart, but it actually makes them seem gay.
Since clear writing is ur goal you've came to the right person you have.
Lesson 1: think before you write. I usually don't think much but when I want to write something I usually take off my underpants and put them on my head as a thinking cap.
Lesson 2: never confuse "could have" with "could of"... I'm an idiot and even I no that.
Lesson 3: read stuff like Fools iN Space. I usually don't read because books are boring and dum. But Fools iN Space is funny and easy to read, but it ha occasional big wordage added that learns me new stuff.
Lesson 4: song lyrics's are a good place to look for ideas on how to clearly write, since most musicians on the universe have to go through extensive linguistic training before they're allowed to become rock stars.
The end.
Writing clearly makes u seem smart, and I lick to seem smart.
Some dumb dumbs think that txt lingo makes them seem smart, but it actually makes them seem gay.
Since clear writing is ur goal you've came to the right person you have.
Lesson 1: think before you write. I usually don't think much but when I want to write something I usually take off my underpants and put them on my head as a thinking cap.
Lesson 2: never confuse "could have" with "could of"... I'm an idiot and even I no that.
Lesson 3: read stuff like Fools iN Space. I usually don't read because books are boring and dum. But Fools iN Space is funny and easy to read, but it ha occasional big wordage added that learns me new stuff.
Lesson 4: song lyrics's are a good place to look for ideas on how to clearly write, since most musicians on the universe have to go through extensive linguistic training before they're allowed to become rock stars.
The end.
Friday, 28 June 2013
How to become cultured (like me)
Herbert Read said: "culture is the infinitely slow but sure refinement and elaboration of simple thing"
He goes on earlier in the essay to suggest that a life without art is a brutish existence, but I know that artsy fartsy stuff makes you weak and feeble (and perhaps even gayish). The truth of the matter is that being "cultured" simply means you have the ability to talk down to people and sound like you know what you're talking about. So why would one want to appear like a pompous jerk? It's what I like to call the superiority complex... All life forms that have evolved to the point of being able to rationalize like their fellow beings to rationalize that they are smarter than them. You see? I know I don't.
This is another reason why you should try to avoid wetting yourself in public. Not many people look up to those whose crotch area is always uriney stained. To conclude, if being cultured is your goal, you are most likely an admiration whore. Instead learn to smarten yourself like me.
well I kinda think he himself is quite simple.
He goes on earlier in the essay to suggest that a life without art is a brutish existence, but I know that artsy fartsy stuff makes you weak and feeble (and perhaps even gayish). The truth of the matter is that being "cultured" simply means you have the ability to talk down to people and sound like you know what you're talking about. So why would one want to appear like a pompous jerk? It's what I like to call the superiority complex... All life forms that have evolved to the point of being able to rationalize like their fellow beings to rationalize that they are smarter than them. You see? I know I don't.
This is another reason why you should try to avoid wetting yourself in public. Not many people look up to those whose crotch area is always uriney stained. To conclude, if being cultured is your goal, you are most likely an admiration whore. Instead learn to smarten yourself like me.
I'm (the late) Keith Dumbuck, and I'm cultureded!
Thursday, 27 June 2013
I is what I is!
I'm sure we are on the eve of getting a bunch of youtube remixes of Paula Deen's amazingly stupid quote from the Today Show...
Supposedly the old bag has gone all Michael Richards and offended some black colored people. To be faire, suggesting her black servant dress up like a slave for a halloween party is kinda funny... If I were a black dude I'd do that EVERY halloweird, just to make fun of the people who enslaved me.
Back to the point, she said "I is what I is"... How can anyone take offense to something that comes out of the mouth of someone who is so blatantly stupid?
?Remember that Miss Carolina girl? She could call me a buck-toothed, small-penis mongoloid and I'd find it cute that she was able to string together a semi-coherent sentence... same thing here.
I'm Keith Dumbuck, and I'M smart!
Supposedly the old bag has gone all Michael Richards and offended some black colored people. To be faire, suggesting her black servant dress up like a slave for a halloween party is kinda funny... If I were a black dude I'd do that EVERY halloweird, just to make fun of the people who enslaved me.
Back to the point, she said "I is what I is"... How can anyone take offense to something that comes out of the mouth of someone who is so blatantly stupid?
?Remember that Miss Carolina girl? She could call me a buck-toothed, small-penis mongoloid and I'd find it cute that she was able to string together a semi-coherent sentence... same thing here.
I'm Keith Dumbuck, and I'M smart!
Friday, 21 June 2013
My First Masturbation Party
I was always taught by me dumb fat dad that wanking in public is to be frowned upon in polite society... but this is no longer the case it would seem.
You see my chums, there is now a fad that makes cuddle parties look a lot less crazy than they really are... MASTURBATION PARTIES.
Google it if you don't believe me. It's freakin' weird... a bunch of birds and blokes toss off on each other instead of the iN privacy of their dad's computer (once I figured out the parental passcode).
Now, had I known that was the arena that I was about to enter after me stupid "friend" Noid told me to go to this thing, I would have either declined straight away, or at least tried out one of those experimental pills that are supposed to make your wang bigger.
You can probably imagine my horror when I stepped into a room full of naked fat people who were messing about with their bits and pieces.
What a dilemma I t'was in... should I try to hide the look of horror on me face and run for it? Or join in and risk being mentally scarred for the rest of me little life?
It is moments like this that I was wishing for a meteor or cat-stroid to incinerate the planet so that I would be well-and-truly out of this pickle, but unfortunately there was no planetary destruction to be had on this occasion, so I had to do the only thing that any boy like me could...
I made a huge scene by pointing and laughing at all of the stoopid divs!
I'm Keith Dumbuck (still).
You see my chums, there is now a fad that makes cuddle parties look a lot less crazy than they really are... MASTURBATION PARTIES.
Google it if you don't believe me. It's freakin' weird... a bunch of birds and blokes toss off on each other instead of the iN privacy of their dad's computer (once I figured out the parental passcode).
Now, had I known that was the arena that I was about to enter after me stupid "friend" Noid told me to go to this thing, I would have either declined straight away, or at least tried out one of those experimental pills that are supposed to make your wang bigger.
You can probably imagine my horror when I stepped into a room full of naked fat people who were messing about with their bits and pieces.
What a dilemma I t'was in... should I try to hide the look of horror on me face and run for it? Or join in and risk being mentally scarred for the rest of me little life?
It is moments like this that I was wishing for a meteor or cat-stroid to incinerate the planet so that I would be well-and-truly out of this pickle, but unfortunately there was no planetary destruction to be had on this occasion, so I had to do the only thing that any boy like me could...
I made a huge scene by pointing and laughing at all of the stoopid divs!
I'm Keith Dumbuck (still).
Wednesday, 19 June 2013
a POOP a day keeps the doctors and gays
I'm told I should be evacuating my bowels on a daily basis... or even more frequently if possible.
I tolded me doctor I probably can't make meself poop this much and so he suggested I take up gaying to loosen things up.
Now I like taking a dump. It is very relaxing most times. But I do not like it this much. No-Sir-Eee.
I'm Keith Dumbbuck.
I tolded me doctor I probably can't make meself poop this much and so he suggested I take up gaying to loosen things up.
Now I like taking a dump. It is very relaxing most times. But I do not like it this much. No-Sir-Eee.
I'm Keith Dumbbuck.
Jimmy Hoffa still being looked for?
What kind of a universe do we live in when the polices are still trying to find some dude who's been dead for like a hundred years, when children are starving on the planet Mexican and Chinaman women are free to drive automobiles?
Why not spend their time looking for the lost Boganus kid instead?
If that Hoffa guy is still alive he probably doesn't want to be founded because then the guys who thought they killed him will have to go and do the job properly, and that would be really annoying!
Why not spend their time looking for the lost Boganus kid instead?
If that Hoffa guy is still alive he probably doesn't want to be founded because then the guys who thought they killed him will have to go and do the job properly, and that would be really annoying!
Thursday, 6 June 2013
Depends for Men!... now you can piss yourself in style!
Are you a dude who's incontinent? Well, I have a manly solution for your pant-pissery...
Depends... FOR MEN!
Don't be a pussy, pick up your pair of urine trappers today, so you can pee freely... the manly way!
I'm sorry, but some things just should not try to be cool. I'm Keith Dumbuck.
Depends... FOR MEN!
Don't be a pussy, pick up your pair of urine trappers today, so you can pee freely... the manly way!
I'm sorry, but some things just should not try to be cool. I'm Keith Dumbuck.
Women's Tennis turns me on!
I don't know much about girls's tennis, but seeing them in those cute little outfits and GRUNTING while smashing balls back and forth gives me a funny feeling in me pants.
Most of them aren't fat too!
Remember a few light years ago there was this broad who needed to have her boobies un-enlagenated? That sucked... of course I've never seen her since then, so either she was only famous because of her ginormous boobage, or else I don't recognize her without them. Either way it's a shame. A shame I tells you.
This has been your smartness lesson for today.
Most of them aren't fat too!
Remember a few light years ago there was this broad who needed to have her boobies un-enlagenated? That sucked... of course I've never seen her since then, so either she was only famous because of her ginormous boobage, or else I don't recognize her without them. Either way it's a shame. A shame I tells you.
This has been your smartness lesson for today.
Tuesday, 28 May 2013
10 reasons why Sodomy is Not-For-Me!
- I like my poops to be a certain consistency.
- I have a low pain threshold.
- I'm ascared what might be found of up there.
- What is in it for me?
- If an alien wants to probe me, there are other routes!
- Brown is my least favourite colour. I mean really, who invented brown?
- What number am I on again?
- My dad told me it will make me have a baby
- I'm not able to grow a proper moustache.
- What is sodomy anyway?
Monday, 27 May 2013
Cucumbers - nature's penis joke, makes scrotum hair fall out? - The TRUTH revealed
Now I'm not the smartist turnip in the croppage, but when I saw a bunch of news headlines that cucombers (of all things) makes nut sack hair to fall out, it caused me giggle a bit, and then fart a LOT!
For those of you who don't know, cucumbers are shapped a bit like a big green penis, perhaps much like what the Incredible Hulk is packing. So the idea that these have an impact on hair falling out of men's scrotums made me oneder just won thing: What does it do to women's scrotums?
So if you're expecting me to come out and tell you if this is fact or friction, I will ask you to do just one thing before posting this news story on facebook... JUST THINK FOR ONE DAMN MINUTE!
I'm Keith Dumbuck, and this has been today's smartness lesson.
For those of you who don't know, cucumbers are shapped a bit like a big green penis, perhaps much like what the Incredible Hulk is packing. So the idea that these have an impact on hair falling out of men's scrotums made me oneder just won thing: What does it do to women's scrotums?
So if you're expecting me to come out and tell you if this is fact or friction, I will ask you to do just one thing before posting this news story on facebook... JUST THINK FOR ONE DAMN MINUTE!
I'm Keith Dumbuck, and this has been today's smartness lesson.
How my smartness made me foolishly rich
Ever seen those videos entitled: "How to get a zillion youtube hits", or picked up a book called "how to sell your story"?
I know I haven't... but that's because I'm smt.
You see my foolish friends, If I were to make a video called "How to make a popular video", lesson number 1 would be: title your video "how to make a popular video".
In this Kardasian world we live in full of twits and mongs who want to be famous for the sake of being famous, it goes to show why there are so many stupid things that go on in the universe, like politicians for example... I have talked to every politician I can because they make me feel supper smarte.
Since this blog is mainly about how to become as smart like me, I suggest you fire a quick email to your local governmetn official, and when you get back a response that has some twisted logic and patting their own back you will realize that only the very stupid run for office.
So to my original point, you are possibly hoping I get to the point on what I did to become rich. Well having a rich father helped some, but I have come to find there are many ways to become rich but people are too ascared to do them...
Ok bye.
I know I haven't... but that's because I'm smt.
You see my foolish friends, If I were to make a video called "How to make a popular video", lesson number 1 would be: title your video "how to make a popular video".
In this Kardasian world we live in full of twits and mongs who want to be famous for the sake of being famous, it goes to show why there are so many stupid things that go on in the universe, like politicians for example... I have talked to every politician I can because they make me feel supper smarte.
Since this blog is mainly about how to become as smart like me, I suggest you fire a quick email to your local governmetn official, and when you get back a response that has some twisted logic and patting their own back you will realize that only the very stupid run for office.
So to my original point, you are possibly hoping I get to the point on what I did to become rich. Well having a rich father helped some, but I have come to find there are many ways to become rich but people are too ascared to do them...
- Organized crime
- unorganized crime
- selling your body to corporations as to be a tattoo'ed advertizing banner
- be a dumb beautiful person
- work 100 hours a week
- be smart like me!
Ok bye.
Saturday, 25 May 2013
Report: Posting nude photos a bad idea... WTF?
I came across THIS article accidental today... you see I tried to confuse me computer by just typing in "explain yourself", but it somehow came up with this report where a local police fellow decided it is important to tell people not to post pictures of their altogether on the interweb.
I wanted to respond this way: "Dear idiot, I WANT all my naked pictures on the Interpol... that's why I put them there!"
Just imagine what a dull universe it would be if there was no nudity under anyone's clothes?
Now I'm not one who has a package to be envied by any two-legged being, but if I want to wander about me house wearing nothing other than a smile and staining all of me white upholstery, for the advantage of being able to have a gentle genital breeze between me legs, I think it's my right to cease that opportunity and SHARE the experience with anyone on facebook who hasn't yet blocked me.
I may not know much... but everything I DO know I learned from www.FoolsInSpace.com!!!
I wanted to respond this way: "Dear idiot, I WANT all my naked pictures on the Interpol... that's why I put them there!"
Just imagine what a dull universe it would be if there was no nudity under anyone's clothes?
Now I'm not one who has a package to be envied by any two-legged being, but if I want to wander about me house wearing nothing other than a smile and staining all of me white upholstery, for the advantage of being able to have a gentle genital breeze between me legs, I think it's my right to cease that opportunity and SHARE the experience with anyone on facebook who hasn't yet blocked me.
I may not know much... but everything I DO know I learned from www.FoolsInSpace.com!!!
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