I was always taught by me dumb fat dad that wanking in public is to be frowned upon in polite society... but this is no longer the case it would seem.
You see my chums, there is now a fad that makes cuddle parties look a lot less crazy than they really are... MASTURBATION PARTIES.
Google it if you don't believe me. It's freakin' weird... a bunch of birds and blokes toss off on each other instead of the iN privacy of their dad's computer (once I figured out the parental passcode).
Now, had I known that was the arena that I was about to enter after me stupid "friend" Noid told me to go to this thing, I would have either declined straight away, or at least tried out one of those experimental pills that are supposed to make your wang bigger.
You can probably imagine my horror when I stepped into a room full of naked fat people who were messing about with their bits and pieces.
What a dilemma I t'was in... should I try to hide the look of horror on me face and run for it? Or join in and risk being mentally scarred for the rest of me little life?
It is moments like this that I was wishing for a meteor or cat-stroid to incinerate the planet so that I would be well-and-truly out of this pickle, but unfortunately there was no planetary destruction to be had on this occasion, so I had to do the only thing that any boy like me could...
I made a huge scene by pointing and laughing at all of the stoopid divs!
I'm Keith Dumbuck (still).
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