The HobbiT

Hi every one, welcome to my weird!

Seeing as the Hobbit movie is making a few bucks, I thought I'd share this... an equally epic but much more funnier version...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8UvA7pNyZw&list=PLL3UBEzIF9nEOLBKp2wTG38e6BBDC_Fel

How to Always be Happy!

Happiness is super duper important.

The fact that if you say it right it sounds like “a penis” makes me happy.

I believe that people are happiest when they are like an electronic capacitor.

What I mean by this is that: they take certain things IN, transform it, then excrete it.

Examples:

• you drink and you are happy…  you turn it to pee and then pee it out and you are even more happier.

The same with intaking food and outputting it as POO.

Or receiving a gift, then accidentally hating it and then giving it away to charity.  You see?

Happiness is a diaper that must always be full!

Also, Don't be fat!

Selfhelpititus: Why the world of Self Help is a complete SCAM!

The ironic thing about people who create "self help" programs is that they're only helping themself!

These chumps are masters at feel-good psychology, but they're not fooling me... not for one micro-par!

Those who follow me on facebook know that I like to speak my mind and that I like to let you know things such as: "I shake more than twice", or "I hate when toilet water splashes on me cornhole"... this is information that you can genuinely use to improve your life unlike the drivel you hear people like Angus Roberts (or whatever his name is) saying.

As a matter of fact, I think these people are simply manipulating people and turning men in pussies and women into Asians. 

So what is the solution? It should be obvious by now: we must turn the tables on these rectal-tards by un-self-helping ourselves, mooning public figures and by eating more cake than we know we should. Only then will we achieve true hap-penis.

And one last thing... never trust anyone named Gregory!

The Illution of smartness part 1

Remember ladies and genitals: making people think your smart like me only means they think you are smartner than them.  This can mean simply making them feel dum.

One trick to do this is by using long words.

Next time you want to impress that boy, girl or android, try inserting the word Lamprophony into the cornhole of the conversation.

Here's a example of how: "Hey baby, you got any lamprophany on you? I'm all out."

She'll be eating out of the palm of your lamprophany in no time.

Join me next time for more intellectual insight and outsight.

Love Keith!

How to be Smart tip of the midday

Here's a cool trick I learnt that makes people know your smart like me: use a neat font!

An intruduction to being smrt like me

Think about a time you were at a social function and then some lady -farted- and blamed the cat.

 Now wouldn’t you have like to have your wits about you so you could say something that was both witty and hurtful so that everyone their would think your cool?  Of course you would!

Mocking other people is one of the great illusions that can make you seem smarter than other people without a lot of book learning.

You see, not everyone was born with the ability to be smart like me, but it is something that can be learned over space-time.  Depending on your starting point it may only take you a few short light-months to hone your skills and become able to think critically, psychologically and even metaphysically in a similar way to meself.

The first thing you have to acknowledge is that: you aren’t smart like me. 

You are stupid.

Once you’ve realized that you can move forward and become the genius you’ve always wanted to be.

Another trick I’ve learnt is that people think you are extra smart if you use big words.

Usually they don’t know if you’ve used them proper or not, they just think you must be wise to have such monstrosities in your vernaculary.

So I’ve included some bigger-than normal words in this blog and as a free bonus I’ll teach you how to use them too.

You’re new, smarter life begins just as soon as you scroll to the next entry!