How to Always be Happy!

Happiness is super duper important.

The fact that if you say it right it sounds like “a penis” makes me happy.

I believe that people are happiest when they are like an electronic capacitor.

What I mean by this is that: they take certain things IN, transform it, then excrete it.

Examples:

• you drink and you are happy…  you turn it to pee and then pee it out and you are even more happier.

The same with intaking food and outputting it as POO.

Or receiving a gift, then accidentally hating it and then giving it away to charity.  You see?

Happiness is a diaper that must always be full!

Also, Don't be fat!

Selfhelpititus: Why the world of Self Help is a complete SCAM!

The ironic thing about people who create "self help" programs is that they're only helping themself!

These chumps are masters at feel-good psychology, but they're not fooling me... not for one micro-par!

Those who follow me on facebook know that I like to speak my mind and that I like to let you know things such as: "I shake more than twice", or "I hate when toilet water splashes on me cornhole"... this is information that you can genuinely use to improve your life unlike the drivel you hear people like Angus Roberts (or whatever his name is) saying.

As a matter of fact, I think these people are simply manipulating people and turning men in pussies and women into Asians. 

So what is the solution? It should be obvious by now: we must turn the tables on these rectal-tards by un-self-helping ourselves, mooning public figures and by eating more cake than we know we should. Only then will we achieve true hap-penis.

And one last thing... never trust anyone named Gregory!